Why My Sexual Exploration Is Lacking In Actual Sex

Blog now on private hosting please go visit: www.namelesschaos.com For this specific post click here: http://namelesschaos.com/2009/08/why-my-sexual-exploration-is-lacking-in-actual-sex/

I already mentioned this in my frustration fueled-post on Wednesday, but now I’m going to explain myself coolly and calmly. I am the primary caregiver to my elderly, and as of late June blind father, who is dying of lung cancer (there is a reason militant anti-tobacco is on that little about me blurb). To make matters worse this means I’m stuck in my parents’ house with my mother and my eldest brother neither of whom I have a good relationship with.

In my first post, I said the following:

The same circumstances that lead me to these revelations have also left me with little chance of exploring my sexuality with another human being.

Add to my care-giving duties, having to work on my masters degree and I think you can understand why this is the case. Yet all things considered I’m truly amazed by the amount of exploration I have managed to have, being limited to me, my hands, an internet connection and a growing mountain of sex toys.

I wasn’t originally planning on posting about this however I quickly realized it would be unnatural to constantly have to tip-toe around the circumstances that surround my life. Moreover, this blog beautifully shows how you can have a “sex blog” (I’m calling myself a sex blogger now?) that isn’t entirely about sex. If there was room on the internets for a blog that talked both about sex and motherhood, why could not there be a place for a blog that talked about the challenges of sexual exploration when you’re a caregiver. I was originally planning on writing one big post explain everything at once include how”How on Earth can I be thinking so much about sex at a time like this” and the associated challenges involved with having your sexual awakening come at such an inopportune time. However, I realized that would be impractical as it would be a very long post. So, I decided to just write a short post explaining the situation I find myself, in calm, rational manner. As the link I already shared shows it turned out I would be sharing it in a frustrated, emotional manner. O well.

I will answer one question. How on Earth can I be even thinking so much about sex at a time like this?

Would you ask an artist why he is using his experiences to inspire him to paint? Would you ask a writer why they turn to writing to cope? Living like a monk, which I will admit was my knee jerk reaction, would be a massive mistake. Exploring my sexuality is one of the few things keeping me sane.

So there you have it namelesschaos: liberal, anal aficionado, sex toy junkie, caregiver

~ by namelesschaos on Friday, August 14, 2009.