Why My Sexual Exploration Is Lacking In Actual Sex

Blog now on private hosting please go visit: www.namelesschaos.com For this specific post click here: http://namelesschaos.com/2009/08/why-my-sexual-exploration-is-lacking-in-actual-sex/

I already mentioned this in my frustration fueled-post on Wednesday, but now I’m going to explain myself coolly and calmly. I am the primary caregiver to my elderly, and as of late June blind father, who is dying of lung cancer (there is a reason militant anti-tobacco is on that little about me blurb). To make matters worse this means I’m stuck in my parents’ house with my mother and my eldest brother neither of whom I have a good relationship with.

In my first post, I said the following:

The same circumstances that lead me to these revelations have also left me with little chance of exploring my sexuality with another human being.

Add to my care-giving duties, having to work on my masters degree and I think you can understand why this is the case. Yet all things considered I’m truly amazed by the amount of exploration I have managed to have, being limited to me, my hands, an internet connection and a growing mountain of sex toys.

I wasn’t originally planning on posting about this however I quickly realized it would be unnatural to constantly have to tip-toe around the circumstances that surround my life. Moreover, this blog beautifully shows how you can have a “sex blog” (I’m calling myself a sex blogger now?) that isn’t entirely about sex. If there was room on the internets for a blog that talked both about sex and motherhood, why could not there be a place for a blog that talked about the challenges of sexual exploration when you’re a caregiver. I was originally planning on writing one big post explain everything at once include how”How on Earth can I be thinking so much about sex at a time like this” and the associated challenges involved with having your sexual awakening come at such an inopportune time. However, I realized that would be impractical as it would be a very long post. So, I decided to just write a short post explaining the situation I find myself, in calm, rational manner. As the link I already shared shows it turned out I would be sharing it in a frustrated, emotional manner. O well.

I will answer one question. How on Earth can I be even thinking so much about sex at a time like this?

Would you ask an artist why he is using his experiences to inspire him to paint? Would you ask a writer why they turn to writing to cope? Living like a monk, which I will admit was my knee jerk reaction, would be a massive mistake. Exploring my sexuality is one of the few things keeping me sane.

So there you have it namelesschaos: liberal, anal aficionado, sex toy junkie, caregiver

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~ by namelesschaos on Friday, August 14, 2009.

2 Responses to “Why My Sexual Exploration Is Lacking In Actual Sex”

  1. […] pure frustration and thus it is not pretty. I was going to edit it but instead decided to post the claim explanation here and leave this as is, with one note. This experience is only one of three I’ve had since my dad […]

  2. I hope to be able to accomplish the same thing with my blog. I want to use sexual exploration as a platform for discussing other issues of intimacy and relationships and spirituality in my life.
    Good luck with your crazy schedule, and for goodness sakes, find a sexploration partner!

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